This morning I completed my first round of edits on my book. This is rather exciting for me because I have been trudging through the manuscript for over a month, trying to get it to look presentable. Although I will celebrate today by laying outside and finishing the third book of the Hunger Games, my work is far from over. I have line editing to do. I have a wealth of material and many decisions to make about content before I start that.
The problem I'm having is that I am writing about real people. Sure, details have been changed, especially when I refer to client's, but if any of my co-worker's read the manuscript they will know who they are. Not everything I write about my co-workers is flattering, even those I hold in high esteem and who will be attending my wedding in July. My goal in writing this book was to be completely honest, to not sugarcoat the flaws of myself, others, or the drug treatment system as a whole. I'm not sure everybody mentioned in the book will understand that. I'm left with a dilemma: Take parts I know will be offensive out of the book and sacrifice realness, or leave them in and risk upsetting people I care about and respect?
I also have to decide how much I want my mother to know about my inner most thoughts. I love my mom dearly, but I don't tell her everything that pops into my head, mostly for fear of giving her a heart attack. Do I really want her to read about my own history experimenting with substances? I think I can handle that. Do I want to risk breaking her heart by exposing her to my doubts about the religion she is completely devoted to? Not so much. The section on spirituality is important to the book as a whole though so I'm left with another dilemma. Take it out to protect my mom or leave it in and risk hurting her.
I know that many writers deal with this, after all we do not write in a vaccuum. By publishing a book you are giving the entire world permission, actually an invitation to read it. What do you think you would do? Or if you are an author, what have you done? Is maintaining the original integrity of the work worth risking important relationships?
I love to hear your thoughts and engage in discussion. If the comment box is not already displayed please click on the link which indicates the number of comments and let your voice be heard!
I am having this same dilemma, but I'm working on a memoir. I wanted to change names but was advised against that because then it wouldn't be a memoir and my story will have more cache if I don't fictionalize it. My parents have passed away so that's not the issue for me. It's my siblings. It's a tough issue but I think, ultimately you have to weigh how important it is to you to get your book published versus hurting the feelings of others. I don't know the answer.
ReplyDeleteOooooooh boy. I have been circling this drain for the past year and a half. It's why my memoir is at a standstill. I made the mistake of being honest on my blog about 2 1/2 months ago and I paid dearly for it. It was just like that - family members recognized themselves in an illustration and before I knew it, 3 members of my family descended on me like wolves, telling me how I hurt them so much just out of nowhere. They acted like I was this terrible person hoarding bitterness towards them, just waiting to attack when they were least expecting it. It told me a lot about what they really think about me when they leapt to the worst conclusion first. It was a horrible ordeal - and honestly, I'm still A LOT gun shy from it. I stopped writing for 6 weeks afterwards and almost gave up my blog. It's an eggshell ground we walk on. Still, as long as you aren't directly attacking anyone, no one can tell you what you're allowed to think about them. Seriously, it drives me psycho. We have a right to our opinions - especially if it's a cold, hard truth we're telling.
ReplyDeleteThe frusterating thing is that I am much more brutal towards myself then anybody else in my manuscript. Not because I think I'm a bad person; I'm not, but because that is the tone I wanted it to have - brutal honesty.
ReplyDeleteMost people portrayed in a book would be a hodgepodge of good and bad because we all have good in us and we all have flaws. I wish there was some way to make the people you write about understand that just because you say one negative thing about them does not mean you are mounting a personal attack.
Like most questions worth thinking about in life, it seems this one doesn't have an easy answer.
I heard a lot of people talking about this at the AWP conference. To sum it up: You volunteer to be a character in your memoir while the others didn't. Therefore, you don't sell out people, but you have to be fair and honest; however, if you hold back there will be a suspicion you're not telling the whole truth. Don't invalidate the feelings of the people being written about; deal with contradictions. After you've written and before you've published you might let people read the sections about them. However, this is YOUR story, your perspective on the world, so they don't get a vote on what's in and what's out.
ReplyDeleteThank's Julie, that helps!
DeleteI know what you mean. I am constantly editing everything I write because I don't want to hurt or let my parents down. I feel like I am shorting myself at times though. I feel like the feelings and situations that I have gone through being a mother and wife could actually help someone out there that maybe going through similar situations themselves. But I find myself editing it because I am so worried what family and others will think of me and of fear of letting them down. I think you should really just talk to her and she maybe more understanding than you think. I might have to follow my own advice...
ReplyDeleteThat is something I had actually not thought of, even though it's obvious once you read it. It's usually best to be upfront with people and talk about things instead of avoiding them, and this situation is probably no different! It's easier said then done though which is why you probably haven't taken your own advice yet . . . hopefully we both take your advice!
DeleteThe perfect answer to this dilemna is timing. Wait several years and all will be well. Nothing worth doing comes easily - this is the cost you have to pay for getting your credible and laudable story out there. Put this work aside and start something new.
ReplyDelete