One of the main things I miss about working (besides the paycheck) is how I feel when I'm not working. I'll explain.
When you work 40+ hours a week and you unexpectedly get off an hour early for whatever reason, it feels like a gift from God. As you drive away from the office at four rather than five, you almost feel like a kid playing hooky, giddy with the possibilities for how you will spend this unexpected free time. At least, that's how I remember it.
Yesterday my dentist cancelled on me at the last minute so I had an unexpected free hour. Somehow having an extra hour to do exactly what I had been doing all day (whatever I wanted) did not have the same effect. I tried to get that high; I even spent five bucks at Starbucks on a frappacino and sat out in the beautiful weather reading while I sipped it . . . nothing.
It's really true that you appreciate something more when you worked for it, when you earned it. When you are living a crazy hectic life sitting down to watch your favorite prime time show can feel like Christmas, and a part of the enjoyment is knowing you deserve some leisure time. When you are free to peruse your DVR any day, all day if you so wish, it's harder to get excited about an hour of television, and it's impossible to feel good about it - how on earth did you earn that?
With the beautiful weather we had yesterday I found myself wondering if it was the same with the weather. Sometimes I wish I lived somewhere warmer but I wonder if I would appreciate beautiful 70 degree days in March if they were given to me freely. I don't think so, but I've never lived anywhere it didn't snow half the year so who knows.
I do know that hot cocoa always tastes better after you've been out in the cold. Bed is always cozier when you've had a really long day. A glass of water is so much more refreshing after a hard workout. A shower feels better when you're good and dirty.
Maybe the problem is mine, maybe I'm too hung up on feeling like I need to earn things, but I think that this is one way in which I am normal. What do you think?
And lastly I find myself wondering about money. If this general principal is true, doesn't that mean that having endless money wouldn't be nearly as satisfying as I think it would be? I'd love to test that one out but I think first I need to get a job . . .
Thank you for putting these thoughts and feelings into words that make perfect sense. I used to teach high school English like my hair was on fire. Then we moved because of my husband's job. Now I'm also unemployed, also trying to write, and so bored that I feel like....setting myself of fire. When I had hundreds of essays to grade, I would often daydream about what lovely things I would do "if only I had the time." And now that I have the time, I can't remember a single thing I wanted to do.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that Melissa, it makes me feel so much better to just know that somebody else gets what I'm going through. After all, how can I really complain to my fiance after he comes home from his twelve hour day that I have TOO MUCH free time? I try not to, even though he's a pretty good sport and I think gets it for the most part.
ReplyDeleteHow long have you been unemployed? Anything in particular you are working on writing wise?