Thursday, March 15, 2012

Small Talk

In the past four days I've been asked about my job five times.

When I went to the dentist both the hygeniest and the doctor wanted to know how work was going and if I had the whole day off. I filled them in on my recent lay off and recieved their sympathy.

When I went to the doctor the next day two different staff members asked me if I had to go back work once I was done with the appointment. I filled them in on my recent lay off and recieved their sympathy.

Today when I was doing laundry the maintenence guy for my apartment building asked me if I was on vacation from work this week (I've bumped into him about four times, all during work hours, all while wearing my pajamas). I said "Yes actually I am," and went back to my apartment.

Why did I lie? I don't think it's out of shame, after all, I was very direct with the previous four askers. I think I lied for two reasons. One, I really just didn't feel like telling my story again and hearing the niceties that came with it. If one more person lamented this economy to me or assured me I would land on my feet I may snap. Two, I was getting angry. Not angry at the maintenence guy but angry that I was part of a society that puts so much damn emphasis on what people do for work.

Think about it, why did five people ask me about work? It's not because I inspire curiosity and fascination or because they even truly care, it is because after asking me my name, it's the natural next question. It is the cornerstone of small talk. What we do for work has become our identity and when you are part of unemployed ten percent you have been stripped of that identity.

Imagine answering a well meaning stranger's question "What do you do for work?" with "Well I'm unemployed." Doesn't make you feel so good.

At what point did our jobs become such a vital part of who we are? And is there anything wrong with that, unless of course you don't have one?
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12 comments:

  1. Julie FarrarMarch 15, 2012 at 4:10 PM

    Hi Jenny. I'm stopping over from She Writes. When I stopped working full time to deal with children issues, at least it didn't need explaining. After they were grown, then I started feeling so self-conscious when people asked what I do, or when filling out forms. I wasn't "unemployed," but I didn't have a profession to list either. I felt like I didn't exist. It took a long time, but I've finally gotten brave enough to claim "writer" as my occupation even if my book isn't finished. Don't wait as long as me to claim that label.

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    1. JennyMarch 15, 2012 at 5:51 PM

      Funny you mentioned your children, I keep thinking if I had kids I wouldn't have to explain myself - raising kids is an acceptable profession. But like you illustrated, even that job lays you off eventually (well, not completely).

      Thank you so much for stopping by and for sharing your own experience. It does feel like a huge step to claim myself as a writer and I really appreciate the encouragement.

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    2. AnonymousMarch 15, 2012 at 8:20 PM

      My kids laid me off as soon as the knew they could! Not one of them has offered me my position back. Well maybe when their cars broke down.

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  2. UnknownMarch 15, 2012 at 5:01 PM

    I was going to say sorry that you lost your job, but then it makes it sound like losing your job is a bad thing. It can be. But on the positive side, you may be looking at an opportunity that you should exploit.

    You are self-employed! You are the published author of this blog and you're working on your first novel. Go take a hundred dollars out of the bank and pay yourself an advance. :)

    Also, I've been working on my first novel for the past 3 years. I can't get past the first 4-5 chapters, but I update my blog on a regular basis.

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    1. JennyMarch 15, 2012 at 5:53 PM

      Thanks so much Diane! I am self-employed (I wish I paid better!) and this is an amazing opportunity. I'm trying to appreciate it for that. It helps to hear others affirm this, especially on down days, which today was one of. Good luck with your book and I'll be sure to stop by your blog.

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    2. UnknownMarch 15, 2012 at 7:04 PM

      Likewise!

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    3. Edward BarrMarch 15, 2012 at 8:22 PM

      I can't get past page one in my book. Go Jenny Go!

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    4. JennyMarch 15, 2012 at 8:30 PM

      awww, thanks Ed!

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  3. DebMarch 15, 2012 at 7:15 PM

    My doctor asks me that all the time, too. I used to say unemployed, then I said retired, now I'm saying writer. Small talk is usually superficial any there aren't that many politically correct subjects to talk about.

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    1. JennyMarch 15, 2012 at 8:31 PM

      Very true Deb. Thanks for visiting my blog, I'd love to hear more about your writing projects.

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  4. AnonymousMarch 15, 2012 at 8:09 PM

    I found you on SheWrites. I'm anxious to hear all about your journey into publication. I blog at http://writingfeemail.wordpress.com
    and am trying to settle into a writing life as well. Good luck.

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    1. JennyMarch 15, 2012 at 8:32 PM

      Thanks for visiting, I'l be sure to check your blog out!

      Delete

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